On my last nerve...maybe.

You know that 1 nerve that we all have. Yes, the last 1. As in "You are getting on my last nerve!" How do you really know it's the last one? What if there are more, secret nerves that come out to replace all of the ones that you've lost. And where exactly do all of those nerves go?

I have been on my last nerve for days now. If, in fact it is the very last one. It's frazzled and frayed and falling apart. And there are these things hanging from it...as in Thing 1 and Thing 2 and Thing 3 and Thing 4 and not~so~much Thing 5 but *most definently the biggest Thing of them all. I think they think it's a tight rope or something b/c they're doing tricks on it. Pulling it down. Yanking on it and bouncing on top of it. I'm afraid it's going to snap, and they're all going to fall down.

It's not thier fault really. They are just doing what they were designed to do ~ kinda like monkeys in the zoo, hanging around doing odd monkey~things.

But I have been waiting for a visitor...who seems to have bailed. Maybe it's lost with all of those nerves. But this is a very important visitor. You know the one that we all dread each month until it doesn't show up. Ya that's the one. Have you seen it? Did it stop by to visit you first? If you do see it, please send it my way.

I'm freaking out here. Just a little. Can you tell? I can't help it. Everywhere I go it's babies and more babies. Or women who are about to have babies. What if it's in the water? I should stop drinking water. Don't get me wrong. I love babies. I'm very very prone to getting 'baby fever'. That's why we have 5 already. But I'm trying NOT to get baby fever 'cause Thing 5 just turned 1 yr and it's about that time.....lol. But right now ALL I can think of are all the reasons that it would NOT be good timing.

Are you listening God? We have NO room. And I don't mean no room as in, "We could rearrange if we had to." I mean we have no room as in, we were buying a house that fell through and ended up in a 34ft Rv. With 5 kids. SO either send 'the visitor' or send a house. And if You want ... I could use some more nerves too. Because as You read above, I'm down to my last 1.

Becausee she rockss:D

The notification Thing 3 brought home from school yesterday. An invitation to attend the Junior National Young Leaders Conference in Waahington D.C. this summer. I am SO PROUD of her<3

Happiness is a warm gun.

I'm not sure where the Beatles were going with that one, but today, happiness comes in the form of an Iced Chai:D
As we were sitting in the car at the drive thru, one of my favoritess and I decided that the smell that comes out of the starbucks window is one of the most amazing smells everr. And there MUST be atleast a little part of Heaven that smells just like that. It is Just That good:D
So to show my appreciation....
Dear God<3, I just wanted you take a moment to thank you for Iced Vanilla Chai's. With xtraa chai. Aand soy:D They are perfectt<3
Lovee, your daughter:)

Project Forgiveness

There has been a recurring theme in my life lately.
Over and Over, I think I have conquered it. But it Keeps Coming Back.

I'm going to be honest and admit that this is one lesson I wish my stubborn self would Just Get Already.
Because I am tired of learning it.
It hurts.
Everyone has felt it. At some point, we've all been hurt, dissapointed or offended by Other People.
There have been things that weren't reallyyyy horrible, even though I Might Have Felt like they were. But there are some things that were truly, trulyy horrible.
Things I really need to forgive.
Things that I have told myself I have already forgiven. 
Some of which, when I said I Forgavee, SOMETIMES I Might Have actually meant.... I have forgiven you On The Outside....
As in...
I'm supposed to forgive you sooo...
I will be pleasant to you.
I will smile at you and speak kindly.
And no one would ever guess that I cringe inside just at the thought of your name. Or how simply hearing your voice makes me want to hurl.
I'm not nice because I'm weak. Or because I accept what was done. Or because I'm being fake. Or because I'm such a great person.  I'm nice because I know It's What I Am Supposed To Do.  Because I have been forgiven much, and I truly WANT to forgive as Quickly and Completely as God forgives me. And because, regardless of how much I may fall, I still Strive to do the right thing.
Even when it's hard.
Even when it's not what I want to do.
Even when it doesn't feel good.
Even when I struggle.
Even when I fail.... Which is probably Prettyy Often:D
... so Let It Go and be Amazed byy what you see through Eyes of Gracee, the prisoner that it really frees is you<3 Forgiveness

Who Am I?

I am one voice.

A Very Ordinary voice.

A voice crying out in the wilderness. 

A woman's voice.

I am Eve. I am Ruth. I am Hanna. I am a stranger in a foreign land. I am Esther. I am Rebecca. I am Sarah. I am Josea's Wife. I am Solomon's Bride. I am The Virtuous Wife. I am Mary. I am Martha. I am The Woman At The Well. I am your mother, your sister, your daughter...  I am Heather Denise:):)

Fearfully and wonderfully made..... For better or worse;)

And FINALLY, I'm ohkayy with being just that:D:D

I am every woman that you've ever known. And I'm every woman that you've never known. And I want what all women want.

I want someone to look at me and not just see two eyes, a nose, a mouth and two ears. But to see all that I am And Could Be. All my hopes, loves and fears.

To hear and know my heart.

Because... To be known is to be loved and to be loved is to be known.
Otherwise... What's the point of doing either one of them in the first place... ?

So this is my voice.

The voice of my heart.

A heart that seeks after His<3

Caught up, called out...

God's been calling me to do something. 

And I've been... Kindd of... uhmm... Well... Ignoring Him  -__ -

Lol, That's probably the face He's giving me too.

Why am I ignoring Him? I say there's no time, and there ARE definitelyy alot of *Things that keep me busy, buuuttt... I know that He can make time. So that's really no excuse.

The truth (shall set you free:D!!) is that it's fear that keeps me from fully Stepping Into His Purpose.

I tell myself (and Him) that I can't do it, I'm not capable. His word tells me that I don't have to be. Because He Is. And He already knows that I'm not. And He Doesn't Care about that! Lolol.

So I'm going to Step Out In Faith... Walk In Courage...

And Just Do It<3

Things that make you go hmm...

Conversation with Thing 4<3
Thing 4: I like wearing these pants to school'cause I can sliiiideee like this (demonstration) down the hallway.
Me: When do your teachers let you slide down the hallway at school!??
Thing 4: Uhmmm.... When they're not looking....
Me: ....-__-..........
Is it wrong that I laughed when he walked away:D??

The peace that passes understanding is my song and I'll sing.

This week has been Insanee. Ridiculously insane.And I thought it might neverrrrr end. I'm not even exaggerating. But it's over. And I survived. 

Hahaa.. Yayyy:D So I'm not going to focus on that other than to say that I have learned Atleasttt two things this week...

1. As soon as I stop focusing on all of the ways I'm limited, God shows me all the ways that He's not.
2. Praying for God to help you have A Gentle And Quiet Spirit produces the Samee Exactt Resultss as asking for patience. Soooo unless you want Lotsss Of Chances To Practice, I would suggest finding a different way to phrase that request;)

Last night I got to snuggle in bed with three of my favoritee Little Things and watch The Jungle Book. We all fell asleep. Lol.

This morning is quiet. The house is peaceful. The kids are all occupied. There is nothing that has to be done rightthisminuteortheworldwillend. I am sitting on the back porch. It's breezy and it looks like it's going to rain, but the sun keeps trying to peek through the clouds. I'm still in pajamas:D That's my favoritee<3 I'm listening to The City Harmonic on Pandora and my mind is overflowing with ideas, and my heart is full of hopes and dreams and prayers. I remember that I Have Been Blessed<3

In a little while I'm going to go inside and make the Chocolate Chip Granola Bars that I've been attempting to make for the last three days:D So far I've managed  to get all of the ingredients gathered together on the counter. Where they've been sitting... For the last three days:D:D

But right now I'm living in this perfectt moment... Easy and breezy, with peace in my heart, peace in my mind and peace in my soul.

In My Own Little World... Population Me.

From the hours of 7:15 to 9am and 2:15 to 4:30 I am a personal school bus. By the time Kaitlyn gets out of school at 4:15 I am DONE with traffic.

Yesterday I picked her up and we had to stop at the grocery store. We get to the store aaand I realize I left my purse WITH MY WALLET IN IT at home. Oh Yay. So we go Back To The House, grab my purse and head back to the store.

As we're driving, a guy on a motorcycle pulls out in front of me and goes about 5 miles an hour. I was SO irritated. I was all like...  expletive expletivee expletiveee!! (Can you tell that patience isn't what I do best?)

Aaaand then I hear this song starts playing on the radio. 

Touche God. Touche. 

To be Known is to be Loved and to be Loved is to be Known

Otherwise what's the point in doing either of them in the first place... ?

I want to Be Known.
I want someone to look at my face and not just see two eyes, a nose, a mouth and two ears. 
But to see All That I Am And Could Be. All my Hopes, Loves and Fears...


So in the spirit of Being Known, here is a little bit about me... In a Listt<3 

Because I love those:):)

• I'm a single mother of 6 (Yes SIX ) Awesomee kids. 3 boys and 3 girls ranging in age from 4 to 15:)  Plus 3 teenage nieces. Aaand various other teenagers who all have homes and parents but still think they belong here<3 I'm considering starting a baseball team. Or maybe a soccer team. I can't decide which one because I know virtually Nothingg about sports. I don't like them or dislike them. I just don't understand them. LOL have you ever tried to ask an avid sports fan Wth is happening during a game?? Hahahaa. Just...  no. I would not advise it:D Football isn't even an option because, well... I would suckk at playing football. A bunch of huge men mean mugging and chasing me For A Ball I'd just be like... Here. You can have the ball. Lolol If it means that much to you I'll just go get another one:D:D
• I Overanalyze and Overthink everything. TO the point where I Annoy Myself with it. But not usually out loud. Or at least out loud only to a select few. 
• However... typing is Veryy quiet so analyzing on my blog doesn't count. Yayy You:D (You've got to ask yourself one question. Do you feel lucky? Well... do ya punk??)
• Hahaa some things get stuck in my head easily. Like movie quotes:D  I can't hear the words This One Time without IMMEDIATELY thinking At Band Camp afterwords.  And every time I think the word forever, I hear it in the voice of the little boy in The Sandlot. Foorreeevvveerrrrrrrr. Either that or Foreva? Forevaa Eva?? Foreva Evaa. I can't even remember where that came from but I can hear the voices perfectly;)
• There is Always background music in my head and sometimes I speak in cheesy song lyrics.  Music speaks to my soul and I like a little bit of everything. My taste in music is veryy eclectic and ranges from Beastie Boys to Micheal Buble to Alanis to Nine Inch Nails to Bone Things N Harmony to The Beatles to For King and Country to Christina Perri. And everything around and in between:D
• I am a Ninjaa in the kitchen. My culinary skills are Amazinggg. I've even been compared to a Kitchen Elf (wth!?) and I Was Told that this was a good thing:D I'm not so suree this is true as the same source also told me that my Indian Name would be Fire Dancer Who Burns Down Kitchen. -__-  Ohkayy so...  I have literally torched 3 kitchens. I don't know how. Lol. One day, I can make the most amazing chicken fajitas everrr, And the next I get distracted baking muffins and end up with Kitchen Flambee'. Complete with an appearance from Tampa Fire Rescue. Smhh. But not in the last 2 years soooo.. I don't think it should count anymore:) Others seem to disagree. Apparently if you burn down a kitchen or three, no one ever lets you forget it;) 
• I'm Graceful in Spirit. Because that sounds better than Absolute Klutz.
• I have Excellent navigation skills. I can use a GPS to make it from Florida to South Carolina and back. Even though the GPS kept rudely reprimanding me and telling me to Please Follow The Route. But I have gotten lost on the way to work (where I've been driving to and from for 2 years) about 4 times in a month and a half.  Someone once told me that's because my head is in the clouds and road signs are.. well.. on the road:D

I was described earlier today as an Adorable Dorkk. Idk about the adorable part buuuttt it Made Me Smile so I'm just gonna go with that:):):)