I don't even think words exist to adequately describe the hellaciousness that was my day

Yesterday was the.day.from.HELL. I am POSITIVE that somehow, at some time ... atleast once during the day I absolutely earned the Worst.Mother.EVER! award. Not exactly what I was aiming for.

I was in Cdo Clean mode.What's the best way to get something CLEAN???? Move EVERYTHING out of your way! Aaaaand while you've already got everything torn apart ya might as well just rearrange the Entire room. And if you're switching that room, why not just do 2 or 3 or 4 more???? While I was busy doing that... the Little Things were busy doing All.Kinds.Of.Stuff.

• Thing1 put a hole in his thumb with the stapler.
• Thing2 hit Thing 3 in the mouth with a hammer.
• A hammer!!!
• She was trying to *fix her chair and apparently Thing3 thought it would be a good idea to stand BEHIND her.
• While she swung.a.hammer.
• You can imagine all the bloodshed for yourself.
• ALSO .. apparently... everything I say to Thing2 is considered (by her) to be *optional suggestions as opposed to the adamantinstructionthatyouMUSTobey that I consider it to be.
• I really wanted to hit her.
• I didn't.
• I wouldn't.
• I've never hit anyone in my entire life and I'm certainly NOT going to start with my 8yo. daughter.
• Who I really do love so much. 
• Even though her behavior was not quite so loveable.
• But I really really wanted to.
• What kind of mother wants to hit their child????
• It is IMPOSSIBLE to walk away when you are a sahm of 6.
• Okay, I'm exaggerating a little bit.
• It's not impossible to walk away... but it is completely impossible to walk away ALONE!
• Thing6 aka *theDiaperAnnihilator found the way out of his diaper
• He was so quiet I thought he was still sleeping.
• It had some stuff in it.
• He used it to decorate. All.over.his.crib.
• While I'm giving the baby a bath Thing5 comes in to *potty.
• And for some strange reason has to take off every article of clothing currently being worn to do this.
• She does what she has to do and instead of immediately regarbing, takes off running...
• Out the door....
• So if you happened to be driving in Tampa yesterday and you saw a soaking wet crazy woman carrying a half naked baby in a towel chasing a totally naked 3 yo around the  backyard....
• Ya.
• That would have been me.
• Aaaaand I put a PadLock on the fridge.
• You think I'm joking.... but I am SO serious.
• Access Denied!

That's not even half of what went on... but I'm getting Emotionally.Exhausted. just thinking about it. Soooo I'm going to go daydream about taking a nap. And you, well, you can go get your random on.

Keely's Random is *SuperFly.

Defeated by the Master of Adorability. You may have won this time but this isn't the last you've seen of me.

O.M.Gosh. I think my Cdo Martha mind is starting to rub off on Thing5.

She just pitched a complete footstompingarmsgoingup&downamileaminutescreamingatthetopofherlungs hissy fit.

Because it was BedTime! and I wouldn't let her put her book in the right pile on her shelf and organize all of the other books that were laying on the floor.

What have I done to my child???

And then she totally suckered me into letting her stay up for a few more minutes engaged me in an absolutely fascinating and irresistible conversation.

Thing5 "Will you pleeeeesssssase lay with me for a few minutes?

*Me "You're a Big.Girl. Don't you want to go lay down in your bed like a Big.Girl?

Thing5 "No cause I don't wanna be all alone."

*Me "But you're never all alone cause Jesus is always with you."

Thing5 "But no he's not there right now."

*Me "I promise he's always there. No matter what."

Thing5 "Well I think he went down to my stomach for a little while."

And then proceeded to say...

"Jesus is the Best.Ever! And so is God! and I think he has sharp claws. Sharp claws that give you claw kisses. Oooh sharp claw teeth that give you claw teeth kisses. Like sharks. But not like the real sharks that eat you but like the nice sharks who talk and they don't eat you cause they like Sharkboy and Lavagirl."

*Me "Hmmm.... I'm just not sure about all that."

And then because I am a.complete.sucker my SuperMommyStayingPowers were weakened by such blatant adorability, I admitted defeat and when we were all snugglied together she looked up at me and whispered very softly "I love you mommy soooooooo much!"

Because a (notSO) SuperMommy knows it's easier to pick your battles.

And some battles are just worth losing ;)

So stop what you're doing and get up RIGHT NOW and go hug your kids!

Unless your kids are asleep and you reinforce the *He Who Wakes The Baby Gets The Baby Back To Sleep* rule like we do.

In that case, just go stand in the doorway and give them a very quiet *Air Hug.

Cause I'm surely not getting any more babies back to sleep tonight.

I am dooonnneee! The SuperMommy cape ...aka Thing4's blankie... is hung up for the day.

PleaseGodLetThemAllStayAsleepNowThatI'veOpenedMyBigMouth!

Guess what's coming up ya'll???

I LOVE their disclaimer.
Note: As we all know, plans can change, but this is what we expect.

Truth in advertising.

I'm totally using that from now on so....
if you know me, you can just expect to hear that from me in the future when we make plans ;)

I'm sorry I suck like that but iloveyou anyway.

I personally think that you should hug your kids everyday but hey... who am I to argue with a National Holiday?

I can see it now...

"Nope. Sorry. I already hugged you this year. You have 258 more days to go before your next hug."

I'm sure that would go over well.

So, here are 6 reasons to Hug Your Kids ... everyday :)


1. Because they cheerfully and gracefully suck up any punishment that you dish out...
Thing1 "You shouldn't ground me because I've been mommyblogged! Since when is public humiliation considered an effective form of discipline?"

2. Because they know how to cover their bases...
Thing 2 "And Dear Lord please forgive us for all of the things we did and said that were not good today, and please forgive us for all of the bad things that we are about to do."

3. Because they have such an extraordinary sense of smell...
Thing3 "This flower smells like...like....ummmm..." long, thoughtful pause ...
Mommy "...a flower?"
Thing3 "Nooooo." ...deep sniff of aforementioned flower ... It smells like A Beautiful Day!"

4. Because if you can't do it, they will...
Thing4 "It's okay Ma... don't be a scaredy cat... I got this"

5. Because they are unwavering in thier convictions....
Thing5 "Well. You're not the boss of meeee."
Mommy "Yes I most certainly am the boss of You. I am The Mommy! The Mommy is always the boss.
Thing5 "Well. You aaarrreee the boss of meeee."

6. Because they are just SO gosh darn huggable!

Now, that just makes me wanna go and find some slobbery baby kisses. Because those are my favorite ;)

So... go hug Your kids!

And have A Beautiful Day.

And if you're very very lucky ... maybe You can find some slobbery baby kisses too ;)

Randomness

So how was ya'lls day today?

Mine was good. I've been organizing;)

Today has been ~& still is~ one of those days where my brain just decides to do it's own thing. Without consulting me. It just goes fluttering around. From here to there. Picking random things up and cluttering my head with them.

And then all of those random things keep jumbling around until I declutter them. (I know. I love her too! I'm too...er.... OCD about cleaning to use her system but.... I really love all of her lists!!!!)

Hmmm..I really need to find some type of recovery program for this list thing.

I wonder if I can 27 fling thing (however you say it) my brain. Maybe not so much the 27 thing part. But definently the fling part. I can just picture myself standing there flinging things out of my brain.

But I'm not cleanin up the mess!

Speaking of *things. Thing5 was laughing about something (she's very random too) and she looked at me and says "Mommy you cracker me up!" And now everytime I think about something funny I hear her saying that and it crackers me up too.

Oh I wonder... wonder ~ is it bedtime yet?

Today I have

1. Washed, dried, folded & fluffed (ha ha ha do you really believe that?) about 200 loads of laundry. Really. That's not an exaggeration.
2. Wondered how such relatively CLEAN children can make thier clothes SMELL so BAD.
3. Changed roughly 30 (million) dirty diapers.
4. Wondered WHY they have to be SO much like thier dad in *that respect. Maybe HE should be the official diaper changer.
5. Listened to Thing 1 describe ~in detail~ his latest story creation. Life in Snotland. Complete with illustrations. And maps. "Dad lives on booger lane, where do you want to live?" uhmmmm... As far away from there as possible.
6. Wondered if there is a way to somehow count this little project as 'school'.
7. Kissed thousands of boo boo's. Real & imagined.
8. Yet, when Thing 4 smacked his head (hard enough for me to HEAR the Whomp) and I asked him if he wanted mommy to kiss it he just said "No it's good ma" and continued on with his little 2 yr old life.,
9. Wondered when my love for my children overcame my complete disgust for all things feet.
10. Watched Thing 5 make faces in the mirror.
11. Wondered how long the "playin with the pretty baby in the mirror" game would actually be entertaining.
12. 47 minutes. Yes the child looked at herself in the mirror for forty seven minutes.
13. Aaaand we watched her the entire time.
14. Yes we have no life.
15. We started out with nothing.
16. And we still have a little left.
17. Listened to Thing 1 tell the very vivid (& unfortunately true) story of how he and Someone Elsee caught a dead cat while fishing the day before.
18. Apparently it was SO cool.
19. But only because it was already dead.
20. Wondered if the entourage of pets that have lived & died during thier time with our children, has emotionally scarred & completely desensitized my child.
21. Was actually thankful to find out that he cried when they caught it.
22. Felt bad for being happy about a crying child. Still a little happy to know we can skip the years of therapy.
23. Would have skipped the therapy anyway. We have daily therapy sessions on our knees.
24. Wiped snotty noses 400 times.
25. Once with my shirt.
26. Wondered if the snotland story was based on actual facts.

*** Edited to add ~ Thing 1 has brought it to my attention, that the reference to booger lane was incorrect. It is actually booger pit road. And his dad not only resides there, he is the king of snotville ... er snotland. Thing 1 has very *graciously forgiven me for this error. According to him I am not expected to really understand such complex ideas. Thank God for that. I was having quite a hard time wrapping my tiny little brain around such a big thought. ROFL