The Mommy Confessions....dumdadumdum

SO, I was clicking around websites earlier. I know. There were probably 8 trillion other *things I could have been doing that would have been waaaay more productive.

But I wasn't doing them. I was doing that instead.

While I was doing that I came upon

Mommy Confessionss

And I liked it! So....

TADA...that was my 1st confession.

I wasted an hour and a half today reading blogs when I could have been doing more productive things like scrubbing the bathroom floor. Again. Because somehow, even though it gets cleaned every morning, by the end of the day, I feel like I've stumbled into a citgo gas station bathroom.

Which leads me to another confession. I don't really clean the bathroom every morning. I clean it every time I go in there. But I didn't want you to know how anal retentive...er...ocd I am so I wasn't going to tell you that.

But really, I have to be.

There would be no other way to maintain my sanity if I wasn't.

There are (atleast) 6 sets of dirty kid shoes (which can get very dirty by the way) trampling all over it all day, boys who somehow *forget to lift the lid (which is not for lack of being reminded I might add), toddlers who like to make *tissue snow (read: tear up the toilet paper into teeeeeny tiiiny bits and throw them up into the air so they will fall all over the floor, which, by this time, probably has water all over it (because no matter how much clean water the dog has in a bowl the kitchen she prefers to drink out of the *bowl in the bathroom), the mirror has a filmy layer over 1/2 of it because certain little girls decide *leave messages in lipgloss and then try to wipe it off (so mommy doesn't see) ~with toilet paper~ so now the toilet paper is stuck to the floor AND the mirror, not to mention the footprints ON the toilet seat because for some unknown reason atleast half of my children squat ON TOP OF IT to poop.

I don't know why.

I swear I did NOT potty train them in the back yard.

So, if you ever come to my house and have to use the bathroom, please be aware that I try to pick up the bathroom every hour or so, but it only takes 20 minutes for all of that to happen so.....enter at your own risk.

And guess what???

There was another confession.

I'm pretty good at this ;)

Right on!

Ok, while I'm at it I might as well admit......

I know almost every theme song on the disney channel. Including Hannah Montana. Which has got to be some kind of sick. I even caught myself thinking that Billy Ray Cyrus is pretty yummy now, which is odd because his achy breaky heart never did anything for me before. So now I'm wondering, is he really yummier now or does bad taste come with getting old????

I totally ball at the end of Prince Caspian when they have to leave Narnia EVERY single time I watch it.

I am a terrible *what I want to be when I grow up role model* because earlier today, when Thing1 asked Thing5 she wanted to be when she grew up she answered "A big scary monster".
To which Thing2 added "Well mommy you always say anything's possible."
Well...that's not quite what I had in mind when I said that.


Aaaaand the worst confession of all.......

I am a secret~closet Twilight fan.

I've read all of the books.

Okay. Twice.

And seen the movie.

Um....several times.

And I am going to see New Moon AS SOON AS it comes out.

Which, I just happen to know is Nov. 20th.

I think I'm all confessed out.

For now.

Do YOU have a mommy confession???
Link up over at Life starring the Kids and Me and let us know.

Randomness

So how was ya'lls day today?

Mine was good. I've been organizing;)

Today has been ~& still is~ one of those days where my brain just decides to do it's own thing. Without consulting me. It just goes fluttering around. From here to there. Picking random things up and cluttering my head with them.

And then all of those random things keep jumbling around until I declutter them. (I know. I love her too! I'm too...er.... OCD about cleaning to use her system but.... I really love all of her lists!!!!)

Hmmm..I really need to find some type of recovery program for this list thing.

I wonder if I can 27 fling thing (however you say it) my brain. Maybe not so much the 27 thing part. But definently the fling part. I can just picture myself standing there flinging things out of my brain.

But I'm not cleanin up the mess!

Speaking of *things. Thing5 was laughing about something (she's very random too) and she looked at me and says "Mommy you cracker me up!" And now everytime I think about something funny I hear her saying that and it crackers me up too.

Well that's convenient

Guess what we saw today? You're never going to believe it.

A rose.

Made out of panties.

Now I'm not completely naive. I understand that there is obviously a huuuge market for those things.

I mean, Really.

What girl wouldn't want one?

What shocked me about it, was that they were being sold at the cash register of the local convenient store.

The one where I have take my children in with me to get stuff.

My children.

Half of whom, are still in the if~you~can~get~it~in~your~grabby~little~hands~then~it~must~go~into~your~mouth phase.

It doesn't always make it to the mouth though.

On a good day.

Which today was.

But those hands are really .. grabby. And quick.

My children.

Who ask questions about everything. everything!

And not quietly either. Not even a little bit.

It's like they have a rule or something.

Must...ask...embarrassing...questions...as...loudly....as...humanly...possible.

But only with an audience.

The bigger the audience, the louder the voice.

Like they're taking a poll or something.

Ya think they're checking my answers?

Maybe I should rethink this homeschooling thing.

They might be learning too much.

Isn't there another rule out there somewhere that say mommy's always right?

Atleast when it comes to the little *Things.If not, we should definently get one of those.

That could be useful.

Anyway, the above combination of Things, convenient store counter paraphanelia & other people within hearing range is just not a good mix.

How is it a *convenient store if I still have to go to cvs?

boy *Things & girl *Things

You wanna know what drives me crazy about trying to tell ya'll stuff sometimes? Words just don't look the way I say them. like, how often do you talk like this? Where every word is just clipped off neatly at the end. NO emphasis. No pronunciation. It's just ...wierd. Ooooor maybe it's just me? No. You're supposed to say NO.

I was thinking about when Thing 1 ~9yob~ was like 2. Closer to 3. But still 2. He has always been SO self reliant. He can & wants to do everything for himself. This was an extremely annoying trait to me when he was my only *baby. When I had all the time in the world ~ or atleast all the time in the day ~ to cater to his every little desire. But now, that there are 4 more not~so~self~reliant..make that 5 more, I am singing the hallelujah chorus.

I have a point. I just haven't gotten you to it yet. Hang on. I'm getting there.

I was talking to a friend (1 of the many 2) who I LOVE and we were talking about Thing 4. And how I have to make sure that no matter what I am always always up & at the very least, semi~coherent BEFORE he wakes up. Or Chaos will reign. & that is just *not the way I roll ;)

That made me remember when Thing 1 was like 2.

& he woke up first. And apparently... had a little time on his hands...before he came into our room all happy & excited. He made us breakfast. Just like daddy does. Cause he loves us so much. Ain't that just the sweetest thing?

You can see where this is going can't you? 2 yr old. Unsupervised. Kitchen.

Say it with me now... a recipe forrrrrrrrrrrr...... what? I can't hear you.

OmGOODNESS let me just tell you what we walked into. A lovely breakfast buffet. Uncooked 'scrambled eggs' ~the good kind~shells & all~ beautifully arranged on the front doormat. 3 bowls sat ontop of the coffee table. Full of jello. And cheerios. And milk. Yummy. A nice contemporary look ....a walkway made of cheerios & grape jelly ...led us into the kitchen.

Need I go on?

I find it oddly funny that the girls *Thing 2 & Thing 3, (Thing 5 is not old enough yet...thankfully;) who love love LOVE to be in the kitchen with me, have never experimented on thier own. And NOT because they are less adventurous. Trust me. I have had walls decorated with you~don't~even~want~to~know~what that just toss that theory right out the window.

Maybe it's a girl thing. Thou shall respect the kitchen. The kitchen shall become your friend. I really like the kitchen. Not so much, my kitchen. Just the kitchen in general, as a room.
I don't know why. I can only cook good enough to not starve my family. That's about it. OH but I make a *mean sausage gravy & biscuits. And pasta. And chicken. And porkchops. Okay, maybe I'm not as bad of a cook as I thought. I must have gotten a little better since the last time I checked. & That's always a good thing.

Overflow

I'm looking for that other mom. You know the one. The perfect mom. Where is she? I know she's out there somewhere. I've read about her. I've heard about her. Even been asked why I couldn't be more like her. Because, you know, she teaches perfect kids everyday. In her perfectly clean house. While she simultaneously runs her own business from home. Milks the cows every morning. Picks fresh vegetables from the garden for dinner. And bakes ... all kinds of bakie things all day in between rushing said perfect children to all of the most perfect activities.

I'm not so different from her.
I can multi task too.

I can wipe a snotty Thing 5 nose while taming a Thing 4~gone~wild, filling a sippy cup from a gallon of milk bought at Sweetbay, listening to a chattering Thing 3 AND making the appropriate mmmhhhmmm sounds at all of the right places, silencing an argument over ~whatever~Thing 1~&~Thing 2~are~currently~bickering~about with just a look, finding Someone Elsee boxers & a towel so he can take a shower because he can never seem to find them even though they are always in the same place, all at the same time. At which time I am also burning dinner & not baking anything.

How's that for talent?

If you happen to see that other mom, let me know. I'm hoping she will show up one day to help me with my laundry.

Sometimes I think I shouldn't be hatin on the laundry so much. But then I look at the overflowing hampers and ... well... it's just not loveable.

Oh and speaking of snotty noses. Or just snot in general. For the record. Rebecca, to answer to your question ~ apparently I am *indeed the queen of snotland and I am so feelin it this week. But don't worry ~ my crown is not made of the ordinary paper & crayon variety, but instead appears to be made from a nice cheeto/drool paste.

Because that's how we roll around here:D

H square to the 5th power.

A mystery is a reality whose existence we can perceive, but whose inner workings we cannot understand. Einstein.

That quote has absolutey nothing to do with this post by the way. I just liked it. So I stuck it up there. For no reason at all.

Bet you thought I had some deep, profound & wise thing going on here huh? Nope. Not so much. 

You know who is pretty deep, profound & wise? Melanie Faith. You should go check her out. She's good people. And she's challenged me to Get Some Goals! Ooooh. That hurts a little. lol.

the top 5 to 10 goals that you gotta’ get so that you can truly say you have achieved your wildest dreams in life.

One of my truly wildest dreams....
is to be able to *tinkle.....
all by myself....
without being followed.....
interrogated....
or otherwise interrupted by loud crashes and bangs and clunks and 'Mommy Thing 2 is trying to climb out the window again" s. Causing me to perform a feat that would challenge even 'Mighty Mom' herself.... .....
stop mid~tinkle.
After having 5 children.
That's pure superhero type stuff there.
But I have no clue how to make that happen.
Or I would already be enjoying that *tinkle freedom.
Goal 1 ~ Find someone who knows.
Another of my wildest dreams
is to get out of the house
into the truck
and further than the entraceway
before hearing the words
"Mommy I can't hold it"
after I asked each & every one of them.
3 times.
And made them try anyway.
Because I knew what was going to happen.
So you see,
I've covered all of my bases.
And again I have no clue how to make that happen.
Which brings me to
Goal 2 ~ Find someone who knows.
My absolute wildest dream ....
is to never have to do laundry
ever again.
Eve really screwed us with that whole apple thing.
Really.
If it weren't for her
There would be NO laundry
But since it's not a perfect world
I'll just keep my clothes on
Thank you very much.
It's better that way.
Really.
For all of us.
Unfortunately I can't go back
to the garden
and warn her.
So I have no clue how to fix it.
And there we have
Goal 3 ~ Find someone who knows.

And there it is. Okay, so I obviously dont have very lofty aspirations. No hall of fame for me.

But it is what it is.

My wildest dreams come true in finding contentment in what is already in my path.

My biggest goals are attained by just making the most of the life I have.

Well, that & maybe learning from someone who knows! Beause I sure as heck don't ;)

But maybe some of these girlies have a clue....

Brit

Diane

Youngmommy

Heather

I'm passing the buck to ya'll. Now you've 'Gotta Get Goals'.

Oh I wonder... wonder ~ is it bedtime yet?

Today I have

1. Washed, dried, folded & fluffed (ha ha ha do you really believe that?) about 200 loads of laundry. Really. That's not an exaggeration.
2. Wondered how such relatively CLEAN children can make thier clothes SMELL so BAD.
3. Changed roughly 30 (million) dirty diapers.
4. Wondered WHY they have to be SO much like thier dad in *that respect. Maybe HE should be the official diaper changer.
5. Listened to Thing 1 describe ~in detail~ his latest story creation. Life in Snotland. Complete with illustrations. And maps. "Dad lives on booger lane, where do you want to live?" uhmmmm... As far away from there as possible.
6. Wondered if there is a way to somehow count this little project as 'school'.
7. Kissed thousands of boo boo's. Real & imagined.
8. Yet, when Thing 4 smacked his head (hard enough for me to HEAR the Whomp) and I asked him if he wanted mommy to kiss it he just said "No it's good ma" and continued on with his little 2 yr old life.,
9. Wondered when my love for my children overcame my complete disgust for all things feet.
10. Watched Thing 5 make faces in the mirror.
11. Wondered how long the "playin with the pretty baby in the mirror" game would actually be entertaining.
12. 47 minutes. Yes the child looked at herself in the mirror for forty seven minutes.
13. Aaaand we watched her the entire time.
14. Yes we have no life.
15. We started out with nothing.
16. And we still have a little left.
17. Listened to Thing 1 tell the very vivid (& unfortunately true) story of how he and Someone Elsee caught a dead cat while fishing the day before.
18. Apparently it was SO cool.
19. But only because it was already dead.
20. Wondered if the entourage of pets that have lived & died during thier time with our children, has emotionally scarred & completely desensitized my child.
21. Was actually thankful to find out that he cried when they caught it.
22. Felt bad for being happy about a crying child. Still a little happy to know we can skip the years of therapy.
23. Would have skipped the therapy anyway. We have daily therapy sessions on our knees.
24. Wiped snotty noses 400 times.
25. Once with my shirt.
26. Wondered if the snotland story was based on actual facts.

*** Edited to add ~ Thing 1 has brought it to my attention, that the reference to booger lane was incorrect. It is actually booger pit road. And his dad not only resides there, he is the king of snotville ... er snotland. Thing 1 has very *graciously forgiven me for this error. According to him I am not expected to really understand such complex ideas. Thank God for that. I was having quite a hard time wrapping my tiny little brain around such a big thought. ROFL

random unorganized momble jomble

I've been trying this new thing lately. Being quiet. Think before I speak, if you will. I know. I should already know how to do this. I'm sure I've learned this before at some point in my life. But I just don't think the lesson took. Obviously. Or I woudn't be *practicing the art of keeping my mouth shut. Right now. Probably at this very moment.

And ya know what??? It's freakin HARD to do sometimes. *Especially when I think I'm right. Or righteous. Since I've been keeping my thoughts to myself, they're overloading my brain. I barely have time to register 1 thought before the next one comes popping along, rudely interrupting like there was nothing there already.

So guess what? It's your lucky day! If you like random and unorganized. I won't be offended if you don't. Really. Not even a little bit. That does mean that it's not~so~much your lucky day. But these thoughts have to go somewhere. So..either way, here's some random truthiness.

1. If you don't know me, you might not know that I'm a compulsive listmaker.
2. Unless it's just that obvious.
3. I think I've finally figured out why I like lists SO much.
4. They surface clean my brain.
5. & they somehow make even the utterest of chaos look neat & organized.
6. You know how I feel about surface cleaning.
7. In a perfect world, if I made a list of every single piece of clothing my children have gotten dirty this week if it would *magically clean itself.
8. Have ya noticed it's not a perfect world?
9. Guess that means I should get on that laundry a little quicker.
10. So I'll save that list for another day.
11. You should be careful what you name your children.
12. Has anyone ever told you that your child's name determines what kind of person they will be.
13. They lied.
14. My sister wanted to name her youngest daughter Harley.
15. I don't know why.
16. My mom (hers too) told her she would be a hellion with a name like that.
17. So they named her Rebecca Lynn.
18. Such a sweet name.
19. Thing 2 cracks me up.
20. I think it's because she's ALOT like me.
21. I tend to crack me up too.
22. Someone has to amuse me.
23. It might as well be myself.
24. Thing 1 *9b did something earlier.
25. I don't remember what.
26. But I said ' Thing 1 I don't find that humorous at ALL.'
27. Thing 2 *6g ~ in her little girl princess~like little~girl~way ~ says
28. 'Not even a little bit!'
29. Do you consider yourself a quiverful mom?
30. I do.
31. As far as quivers go, mine feels pretty full sometimes.
32. But I like the organized chaos of it.
33. What I did not know was that there is an entire MOVEMENT.
34. What exactly is the movement for?
35. And where is it going?
36. Why do we take 1 little part of what we are supposed to be about
37. and let that define us.
38. Why are we so intent on trying to make our mark on the world
39. that we forget to leave his imprint in the world.
40. I had a conversation once.
41. I've had a conversation more than once.
42. But I had this *particular conversation once
43. A girl I had just met was asking me what I do.
44. As in, for a living.
45. When I told her I was a sahm of 5
46. and a homeschooler
47. she got this really confused look on her face
48. And asked if she could ask me a personal question
49. Sure.
50. why not.
51. we're used to it right?
52. But then she proceeded to ask
53. somewhat bashfully and embarrassed,
54. 'How do you give them all a bath? I mean, how does that work?'
55. I promise.
56. That is what she asked me.
57. Just when I thought I'd heard it all

Okay, for those of you who actually made it through that list and are still reading waaay down here, I know you've had your Most~bizzare~thing~I've~ever~heard & the~absolute~last~thing~I~expected~to~hear Moments. GO post about it right now and then leave me a comment so I can go read it.
I really can't believe you're still here. Amazed really. So, umm.. great job! You deserve some kind of reward for that endurance. Let me see what I can find for ya.